The Shattered Reflection

Powerful Story of How God can Work in Our Lives

It was a peaceful evening. I was reflecting back on my life before Christ. As pictures passed through my memory bank it seemed as if those memories of hurt, pain, rejection, fear and insecurity belonged to a neighbor or perhaps the stranger that I had met on the street somewhere. I would look at myself in the mirror and all I would see was a scared, unattractive young girl desiring to be loved. I looked deep into my childhood memory bank and realized where it had originated from. I am going to share a piece of my journey starting from my childhood.
My parents split when I was 5 years old. The morning of my father’s departure I felt abandoned and alone. I loved HIM very much. My mother, on the other hand, was there physically but not emotionally. She never knew how to love me, she never told me “I love you” verbally; she would only write it in a birthday card. So that set the course for my rebellion and search for love.

As I entered my early teens I went from relationship to relationship. Then anger and rage set in. At this point my mother was so desperately searching for her own love that her boyfriends came first. I was always asking myself “Why can’t anyone love me? Why am I not good enough? And if I do this, will this boy love me?” Eventually my father got saved and I was introduced to Jesus Christ. I was so caught up in my own pain that I could not receive God’s love. I felt that I was unlovable and not worthy of anything. Then I met my husband and I felt a sense of security and that I finally found someone that could fill my emptiness. How wrong I was… At that point I entered Egypt and remained a slave to physical and emotional abuse for 13 years. I continued to spiral down until I found myself in depression. My self- image and self- esteem was on empty.

Till one day on a Saturday morning I called out to God…I was on my knees in the living room floor with tears pouring down my face like a river. I cried out “OK God… I am tired of doing things on my own…If you are real…then change me, change this situation that I am in. I can’t do this anymore. The power of God came rushing down that very second like a flood. I felt his love saturate me. As I got up from the living room floor a few hours later, I felt hope and life arise in me. I saw the world bright and promising. I knew that God had done something in me and that He was indeed real. Romans 10:13… those that call upon the name of the lord shall be saved

The Lord began to send me mentors and strong women of God to help me through the valley, and eventually I left Egypt. My long journey of inner healing began. My life began to transform AND my mindsets began to shift and break off. Romans 12:2 be transformed by the renewing of your mind. One day I woke up and went to wash my face, as I was standing there I looked in the mirror and I saw my beauty. I saw love, I saw compassion, I saw worthiness. I saw Jesus….My poor self-image had been shattered. This set a new course in my life. Though I am still on my road of healing and deliverance, I thank God I am no longer where I use to be. The day that I reached out to Christ, is the day I died. And today I am resurrected with Christ.

Written by Desiree Hernandez. If you’d like to reach Desiree, you can contact her here.