Let me see…how do I start this off? I am the beautiful daughter of a seemingly, doting father and parochially strict mother. But that part of my story is something for another time…in another place…in a galaxy far, far away. This story has to do with the chapter in my life I like to call, “Motherhood” or “Shouldn’t I Be Getting Paid for This Reality Show”. My household consists of four children, two cats, two dogs, and then there is big Daddy, which we lovingly refer to as the Big Kitty.
One day when I was taking my children to school I was hit with a memory from my own childhood. I remember hearing my friends talking to one-another, “Have you seen Tina’s Mom? She is beautiful! This would be the first of many times throughout elementary I would hear this same phrase. Instead of swelling with pride, I felt like they were saying, “She is beautiful, therefore Tina must be adopted.” This my friends was the door rejection crept in through. The voice of rejection said, “How will this chubby little girl with greasy hair live up to that?” and “Maybe my brother was right and I really was found in the trash can in the alley.” Fast forward to my own children’s school years and rejection’s voice once again telling me I can’t be a good parent and I will never measure up.
The years sped by so fast, I feel like I took a breath and they were no longer toddlers, no longer in diapers, reading, in school plays, having volleyball and basketball games, playing in band concerts, dancing across the stage, winning tournaments and finally donning a cap and gown. We had gone warp speed from Elementary into Middle School and High School and stopped at our very first High School Graduation. The years chatting about their day, laughing until I almost passed out, and even the times disagreeing about their choices, had flown by me like a whirlwind. As a mother, I sought to always do my best to ignore the nagging voice of rejection. I began to listen for the heart of God; always asking Him to help me to be the mother I had to be for the sake of who my children would become. Those years were filled with good and bad decisions, mistakes I would never be able to take back and hard choices that were not popular at the time I made them.
My beautiful nineteen year-old, stood before me in her cap and gown wearing her red and white, flowered lei, diploma in hand, she was done with this chapter of her life and ready to step up to the next level. Leaving the ceremony, in the back seat of our van, she giggled and laughed jovially with her siblings as they picked on each other and snapped pictures of their big smiles together. The day before her graduation we had attended the promotion for my baby girl. She is my fifteen year old beauty and Steven Spielberg in the making. At fifteen she is working on her first fictional novel with the sequels already in the planning process. I can see glimmers of myself in their eyes, and I can hear myself in their sense of humor, but I see more. I see pieces of me sprinkled into them, just a dash of mom on top of the awesome ones they already are and I like what I see.
My eighteen year old son won a pageant in his junior year of High School. The pageant had sections for talent, swim suit and even an interview question. I remember sitting in the second row, right in the center watching him. The advisor reached into a bowl full of little white slips of paper where the random questions were written. I prayed for him to have the right words to answer the question that he had not been able to prepare for. Into the microphone came the question, “Who is your hero?” faster than the warp speed by which we had arrived to this place came his answer, “My Mom”. Amidst the laughter, tears, and feelings of pride, I could hear the students seated around me saying, “Stand up…stand up!” The moment was so surreal, I couldn’t move. I didn’t expect to hear the of God ring forth from my son at that school event.
My youngest who has officially reached his teenage years, seems to be able to accomplish anything he puts his mind to. Running for ASB counsel, singing, dancing, acting, and most recently showing a high aptitude for science and math, next year it’s High School for him and I can’t wait to see where this rocket is headed. Again, I see those speckles and sprinkles of mom DNA all over them. Rejection has tried to destroy me at the root, but God has prevailed. His voice has been heard and His purpose for me as a mother is coming to pass. I see myself in my children every day, in their victory, in their beauty, in their laughter, in their perseverance, and in their love for their mother. I am a mother of four and I think I look good.
By Tina Cobian. You can reach Tina@Lifebuilderseminars.com