Are You Lonely?

Written By Tina Cobian

Have you ever been in a room full of people, a party, or even at a table in the midst of many conversations but you are disconnected and you just feel lonely?  There was a time when I felt just like that.

A while back I realized I was feeling very lonely. Even though I have a husband and four children always around me; I felt alone.  Friends weren’t calling and my social life was really very superficial, in fact non-existent.  There were no meaningful conversations or even just fun daily banter taking place.  It was a difficult time, but one that taught me a lot about myself and especially about my God.  At first when I started feeling this way I wasn’t sure what was happening.

I would see people going off to lunch together after church, and inviting each other to their homes

I realized I was walking through a season.  It was a season where God was calling me to His heart.  It was time to draw closer.

and on fun outings.  But that just wasn’t happening for me.  When things like this occur in my life I usually do some self-reflection.  Be careful it can be a slippery slope between self-reflection and self-abuse.  I started wondering what was wrong with me and at times acted defensively towards others because of it.  I tried being more friendly and outgoing.  Nothing was working and my situation didn’t appear to be changing.  I started to pray.

I love praying on the way to work.  When I leave in the morning it’s dark out and fairly quiet.  Even the freeway doesn’t seem to be as noisy as it does at four or five in the afternoon.  There were many times I would be praying on my way to work, tears streaming down my face crying out to God about how alone I felt.  I would ask Him to come to me, cover my and comfort me.  It was in those times, I felt His tender hand wipe away my tears.  He would touch my heart and say, “I am here.”  It was then that I realized I was walking through a season.  It was a season where God was calling me to His heart.  It was time to draw closer.

It’s important for you to know that if you are feeling lonely; if you aren’t already, you need to begin to guard your heart.  It’s very easy to mistake this season of growth for a pitfall such as rejection.  The enemy would love for you to believe you are not wanted, less than, or not accepted.  It’s a lie, plain and simple.  There were times where offense tried to rise up in me, but I had to recognize the lie and liar and squash it right away.  Make sure that you are praying and most importantly, listening.  It’s the voice of God that will carry you through the valleys of this season.

I began to hear God’s voice often and sought after knowing Him in a closer way.  There were even times when I would be at work and songs would pop into my head.  I would hear them over and over again.  One day as I walked through the hallway at work I heard Him clearly say, “I am singing my song over you.” It’s so hard to physically stay in control of yourself in those moments when you just want to crumble to the floor and weep in His presence.  Not for sorrow, but in gratefulness.  Thank God for the large stall in the ladies restroom!

These are months I wouldn’t trade for a hundred close friends.  I don’t know how many times I have said and sang the words, “He is Everything to me.” But during this time I learned to live them.  I couldn’t look to my husband, friends or children for fulfillment.  It had to be God first now and always.  Proverbs 18:24 says that a man with too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.   I would often think about Moses and how Exodus talks about the Lord speaking with him face to face.  The dark place of loneliness quickly disappears when you are surrounded by His light.  When His breath is on your face and your heart begins to beat in sync with His heart.  There is absolutely no one and nothing in this world that is better than that.

Recently, I have had waning relationships that were put aside return in newness and in health. They are simply the bi-product of putting HIM first.  Matthew 6:33 can be applied to so many areas of our lives, but it has really come alive to me in the area of friendship.  I sought after a real friend and there He stood before me.  I was sinking into loneliness and He carried me out of it.  I needed someone to talk to and He listened and even answered.

You see it is NOT good for man to be alone.  That’s basic bible.  It was never God’s intention for us to live closed-off, shut- out and alone.  He created us to commune with others but He intended for us to look to Him first.  So if you are feeling lonely; look to Him to fill your heart.  If you don’t feel like you are connecting, you can connect with Him.  If you need love, love on God.  I can tell you right now, it’s not going to be an overnight process.  But building relationships with anyone never is and HE isn’t just anyone…this is the King of Kings we are talking about.  Remember, relationships work both ways.  So spend the time, build the relationship.  You won’t be disappointed.  I promise.  I’m not.