A Lesson Unlearned

Written by Remaliah Evans

In my last post,  I shared how I wanted to find a new job because I had been with my current employer for ten years. Well, I finally have the new job. It has been quite a journey, although it’s only been a few weeks.

I was blessed to be able to work with the same company for ten years, yet secretly the only reason I was there that long was because I was afraid to move on. Now here I am in this brand new position and you know what? God is still teaching me how to trust Him and move past the fear of failure. I knew my old position like the back of my hand, to the point where I could work from home. In this new position I am learning entirely different operating procedures; it’s challenging. 

Do you talk to yourself? I talk to myself all day long. I think to myself, “this is a new position, it’s going to take time to get acclimated; be patient with yourself.” And two seconds later a work situation arises and I think, “Oh my gosh I hate learning curves. I just want to know how everything works, now,” which is impossible, but if only! I love my new position, however the first few weeks were unnecessarily rough because I was operating out of fear and not trusting God. I went home every night and rehashed everything from the work day. Then laid awake worried about my to do list, and when I’d fall asleep I’d dream about work. That was not healthy because my behavior was driven by a fear of failure. 

I believe fear of failure entered my life when I was five years old and my Mom was home schooling me. When I initially learned the alphabet, I would say “x,y and z.” My Mom wanted this corrected because it sounded like “xyNz,” therefore she would have me repeat the alphabet over and over. One night she grew tired and she left me in the kitchen/classroom to practice. After a while I knocked on her room door and recited the alphabet, incorrectly, again. Out of exasperation she slammed the room door and told me not to come back until I got it right. At the time I could not understand what the big deal was, however in that moment I learned to tie my performance into acceptance and personal worth. The next day my Mom was refreshed and patient and fyi I did eventually learn my A B and C’s 😉 

After this last experience with fear of failure at work, I finally made a decision to believe God and rely on what He taught me through previous experiences. It is astounding how much my perspective changed (and how much better I slept) when I simply believed Him. God is faithful and He promised me the grace to do what He has directed me to do, at work, at home, at church, and in school. His grace is sufficient, which means I do not have to be afraid to fail because I am in relationship with Him.

This whole process makes me laugh at myself because when I resigned from my previous position I was convinced that I had overcome my fear of failure. As my Pastor says: a lesson unlearned is a lesson returned. And this makes perfect sense because God’s intention is to teach, not punish.  He loves me too much to leave me in a place of fear. 

Isaiah 43:1 NKJV “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.

Forgive

I was so consumed with unforgiveness and denial that I would not accept a sincere apology when my Mom apologized for abandoning me during my childhood. I dismissed her apology and told her it was not a big deal. Unbeknownst to me, I was in denial. Looking back, I believe that I was not ready to face the pain and my true feelings regarding her not being there. Instead I lied to myself and minimized the issues. I wanted to believe the lie that it was no big deal, so I did.

Fast forward a few years and my brother apologized. This time, I was all too aware of how I felt. Truth be told, I should have apologized for my behavior as well but I didn’t. Instead I was bound up in unforgiveness and I refused to accept his apology. I thought to myself, “how DARE you think you can just say I’m sorry after the hell you put me through!” I was livid and scared of what might come out of mouth so I just said “ok.” Except it was not ok because I refused to forgive him.

Sometimes people can do the most horrific things and never apologize. Whether they apologize or not we have a choice to make. We have the choice to do what God commands us to do: forgive, and forgive, and forgive again. Or we can hold on to unforgiveness. I chose unforgiveness for years. It turns out unforgiveness has some close friends- their names are bitterness, rage, and resentment. When I chose not to forgive I placed myself in a prison of rejection, self-pity, and victim mentality.

Whether or not we receive an apology, we can choose to forgive. God has blessed us with free will and that means that we have the power of choice. “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days;” (Deuteronomy 30:19-20) When I refused to forgive, I chose death. There is a saying refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.” While I clung to unforgiveness my peace died, my joy died, and my hope died. My relationship with God suffered because everything He said or showed me was filtered through my heart of unforgiveness and bitterness. The person most affected by our unforgiveness is usually us.

When we choose to forgive, we choose life. Sometimes the wound is so deep that true forgiveness seems nearly impossible. But with God all things are possible. God empowers us to forgive through His Spirit. It’s not by might, nor by power, but by HIS Spirit. (Zechariah 4:6)
God is faithful and because He loves us He brings conviction when we are harboring unforgiveness. I had repeatedly asked Him to help me forgive over the years but I was unwilling to let go. I remember someone told me that I had to forgive my Mom even if she did not change. I wanted to slap that person for suggesting something so asinine. Like I said, unforgiveness’ friend is rage. That person was right; I simply refused to accept that truth. During those years of unforgiveness I decided that I would not forgive my Mom unless she changed. I lived with unforgiveness for several years before I was finally willing to let go. At that point, I went to God and earnestly asked Him for help again. This time, when I asked God for help I let go of my vow not to forgive unless she changed.

Forgiveness must be unconditional. If I say I will only forgive if she does this or if he stops that, then I am saying that I only have to forgive sometimes. The Word says that we are to forgive every time. Forgiveness is not condoning the behavior or subjecting oneself to abuse. Forgiveness is letting go of the resentment and the belief that they must pay, and cancelling the debt. Forgiveness opens the door to healing.

Inspire Each Other

Fun Quiz for Ladies

Written By: Remaliah Evans

QUIZ
1. Name the three richest people in the world
2. Name the last two winners of the Miss America contest
3. Name last person who won the Nobel Prize
4. Name the last three Academy Award winners for best actor
5. Name the last three World Series winners

How did you do? Not too good huh? Don’t worry, you will ace part two:

1. Name two teachers who helped you in school
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time
3. Name three people who have taught you something worthwhile
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special
5. Think of three people you enjoy spending time with

Easier?

The Point: No one remembers the headliners of yesterday. Although these are highly accomplished people, the applause ends. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. The people that significantly impact our life are usually not the ones with the most achievements, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care. Have we shown how much we care lately? Perhaps with a phone call, a lunch invitation, running an errand, or praying with someone. A small act of kindness can truly brighten someone’s day, and in turn, encourage that person to do the same for someone else. Hebrews 10:24 Let us consider how to inspire each other to greater love and to righteous deeds.

Say Something Positive

7 things God says about us that we should say to ourselves.

Written by Kim Gutierrez

I started off today thinking “Say something positive about yourself” Why? Because I need to remind myself who I am! You need to remind yourself who you are! You are a good housewife, you are a good mom, you are beautiful, you are smart! The world is full of so much negativity, and if we really paid attention to our days we would notice more negative than positive.

Just yesterday I walked into the Tea House and my favorite Tea-rista said “You look nice today” I was going to disregard the comment but I quickly caught myself, and I said “Oh, Thank You!”
At that moment I thought about writing this blog,
because we do this so often!

We disregard who we are and we disregard compliments from others.
Someone says “Oh, I love that sweater!”
and we say “Oh, this? It’s so old..” blah blah blah…

I remember in high school we had a Life Skills class and the teacher taught us how to accept a compliment. It took a lot of practice for us, and I remember we would laugh and giggle each time because it was so abnormal for us to accept a positive compliment.

I don’t know about you but I can’t think of any successful Olympians or business women that achieved due to negative thinking about themselves. I’m sure they had to pump themselves up at times, by saying positive things.

I believe that God is calling us to step up and believe in who we are! He wants us to think positive of ourselves! We can’t wait for someone to say positive things to us but we have to be able to see it for ourselves, know it and say it!
If we aren’t use to it, we need to start now!
We need to start proclaiming who we are! The word of God says..

I am able..Philippians 4:13
I am beautiful…Psalm 149:4
I am a Conqueror…Romans 8:37
I am a delight…Psalm 147:11
I am enriched…. 1 Corinthians 1:5
I am Favoured….Job 10:12
I am a heir of God…Titus 3:7!

Wow! That should jumpstart you! I am an heir of God! You are Royalty! You are marvelous! You are all things! Just proclaim it!

Repeat this:
“I will walk tall, I will accept all compliments and I will Praise God for He is the one who formed me and He Believes in me and I will Believe in me too! I will speak positive words over my life everyday! Amen!