Written By Remaliah Evans
They say time heals all wounds… I beg to differ. Time is a band-aid that covers the wound. As time passes the pain seems to diminish, until we hear a song or see a photo that brings us back to that heartbreaking moment. And the pain resurfaces because the wound was never healed, it was merely covered.
A band-aid is never a remedy for a broken heart. A band-aid covers a wound but it does not heal it. A heart can be broken by betrayal, prodigal children, a departed loved one, disappointment over shattered dreams, a breakup, or a divorce. What do you do when your heart breaks?
My heart was first broken when I was sixteen and I was betrayed by the person I trusted most, the person who was supposed to protect me and love me unconditionally. I did not know what to do because I had never felt that type of pain before. I was confused, hurt, frustrated, and angry and I felt powerless. I knew that I never wanted to feel that way again so I made promises to myself. I said I would never trust anyone again, I would stop crying, I would never give anyone the power to hurt me like that again, and I would stop feeling. If I could just stop feeling then I wouldn’t feel the hurt, or so I thought. I built walls. Walls are another type of band-aid. They hide the wound, but they do not heal it. Walls are also not boundaries. Boundaries are fences with gates, so you can allow people in at your discretion. I built my walls with the intention of keeping everyone out, even though I secretly hoped that a trustworthy person would get a ladder and climb over the wall. That secret hope was immature and unfair because people should not have had to jump through hoops to get to know me. Jesus Himself knocked at the door of my heart and waited for me to answer.
My heart was broken several more times as the years went on and I kept covering up the heartache. I covered it with denial, inner vows, food, partying, and busyness- whatever I could find that would make the pain go away, even if the pain only went away for a little while. Then I rededicated my life to the Lord and started attending church. I was a hot, mean mess. And just to make sure that God and I were on the same page I told Him, “I’m here for You, and for You only. I don’t want to make no friends and I don’t want to be involved. I just want to get right and come on Sundays.” The plan was to stay isolated so no one could hurt me or see my brokenness. God had a better plan and despite my best efforts I ended up in a small group.
In that group God showed me through His word and through incredible friendships that He is love, therefore I must love. 1 John 4:7-8 “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. [S]he who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” When they taught on this passage, I realized I could no longer refuse to love others. Later the Lord showed me that my unhealed heart made it impossible for me to love unconditionally.
Finally I yielded to the process and I asked God to heal me. Together we are tearing down walls and taking off band-aids. He led me to support groups, counseling, and to integrous people who told me the truth. I am still in the process. This past weekend I was talking with a friend about some old dreams that did not work out and I started crying. I thought that I had already dealt with the disappointment; however the Lord showed me that I was still heartbroken. He is faithful and He reveals to heal. I used to refuse to cry, now I let the tears flow and I ask God to heal me because He promised me that He would heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds in Psalms 147:3. I have a long way to go but the band-aids are coming off. Now, I give my heart to the Healer.